The Greedy Capitalist

All hail the magical, invisible pink elephant!

Whenever I get frustrated with Christians, it’s time to pull out the invisible pink elephant. It’s almost as effective as the “step out in front of an oncoming semi and pray/wish/pretend that it goes away” line.

There is an invisible pink elephant floating in my room. You can’t see, hear, feel, smell, or touch it, but I can. I know he is real because I found this old book the other day that talks about him, and last night I had a dream where he spoke to me!

All hail the magical, invisible pink elephant!

What?? You don’t believe me!? Well, you just try and prove that he doesn’t exist!

P.S.: The elephant is finicky and gets very mad at non-believers. He likes to hide their keys, socks and loose change. But you’ll never know that it was him who did it until you start believing in him.

P.P.S: Actually, you believe in the elephant already – everybody does. But there’s a wicked little invisible purple unicorn that puts mean thoughts into your head that the magical invisible pink elephant doesn’t exist. If you ever have any doubts about existence of the pink elephant, it’s the invisible purple unicorn that’s putting them into your head.

P.P.P.S. Did I say the pink elephant likes to hide your loose change? Sorry – it’s actually the mean purple unicorn that made me think that – he’s the one responsible for all the bad things I do.

Down with the mean, invisible purple unicorn!