! Wanted ! (part 1 of 2)

Thanks to Laurel for finding this liberal version of the infamous "playing cards." I’m going to rant about it, but before I start, let me say that this is not just another liberal bashing or space-filler for my blog. (well, maybe) My point is not that liberals suck (which they do) or that conservatives rock (they also suck) or that we should all become libertarians (they’re plain losers.) In fact, the only people that don’t suck are those who agree with me, which is why you better pay attention.

My message today brethren, is that politicians today stand for just one thing: nothing. They are nihilists whose guiding rule is pragmatism, based on primitive emotionalism and collectivism. The old saying went like this: liberals want to take your money, and conservatives want your freedoms. Lately however, I’ve found that neither side knows what they want, so they take away both while proudly waving American flags (as long as there aren’t any foreigners around) and claiming to support liberty and "hardworking Americans." On the balance however, I support conservatives: they usually betray their principles, but at least they have principles to betray. To make my point, let’s look at offenses that conservatives have committed to earn a spot on the playing cards:

§ Looting Social Security trust funds

§ Taking the country to war under false pretenses

§ Ripping up the safety net

§ Eviscerating democracy

§ Strangling civil rights

§ Assaulting the New Deal

§ Being a partisan hack

§ Peddling economic snake oil

§ Perverting the Fourth Estate

Let’s reduce the accusations down to the essentials:

§ Going to war for selfish reasons

§ Supporting capitalism and individual rights

§ Having principles (i.e. being "extremists" and "partisan hacks")

The so-called evils of the conservatives are actually their virtues, but sadly, the accusations are entirely underserved. I must run off to my weekend exploits now, but stay tuned for the exciting conclusion where I ponder about how great it would be if conservatives actually lived up to the liberals’ accusations.

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